The Middle

Or The Beginning, Part II

When Guy was about 8 months old, I found out I was pregnant.  This was not a shock or surprise & we were thrilled!!  I was still doing physical therapy and getting massages for pain relief from the last pregnancy, but I was feeling so much better!

A few days before Guy turned one, we found out he would soon have a little brother!  Now that was a shock! The pregnancy felt different in a lot of ways, and if possible, I was actually sicker than I was with Guy!  Everyone “knew” it would be a girl.  We were delighted that Guy would have a baby brother to wrestle with and a best friend for life!

In September (my 2^nd trimester), we packed up our house in Retirement Community, Idaho and headed North!  Handsome got a great job at a brand spankin’ new hospital.  They wanted to pay him many dollars to work less with half the responsibilities.  {Not much to think about!}

There was lots of training for Handsome that took place in a different city, where we all lived in an apartment.  Check that off the list of things to try. ;)  And finally, after Thanksgiving we moved into our home on Sunny Island for good!

 

no shortage of black tail deer here!

December was packed full of trips to the mainland to visit people, buy groceries that were more reasonably priced, and have a couple visits with a midwife… you see there is one rule on Sunny Island: 

You Shall Not Deliver Any Babies Here!  

They have the same rule on the ferry, too.  (you cannot drive off of the island, no bridges.  It’s strictly boat or plane.  Or perhaps you could ride an orca bareback, but I wouldn’t recommend it... especially if you were in labor)

Finally Christmas was over, Handsome’s family had left and he was going back to work on Thursday, January 3rd. (1/3/13) Only on Thursday morning, my water broke!  It took me a while to really believe what was happening, because our baby wasn't due for at least a month.

We snuck on the ferry, like the law-defying citizens we are.  Little Guy was VERY excited!!!!

 

Ferry ride to get his baby brother

Our midwife determined “there’s no going back.”  My water had “grossly” ruptured.  She also informed us that we couldn’t deliver at their birth center or the alternative hospital where she had birthing privileges, because I was too early. I was crushed!  I did not want to go to the hospital and have their interventions forced upon me, but we did have a premature birth on our hands... and no alternative.

Since I wasn’t contracting, the doctor started me on pitocin, which they had a very hard time regulating.  Pitocin was the biggest deal to me! I DID NOT WANT IT.  But, there was no choice, because I was hardly contracting at all.  The labor was tremendously difficult and didn’t resemble Guy’s in any way, except that it was long and scary.  After LOTS of interventions, they informed us that I would be getting a C-section and told me what to expect, etc…  The nurse left to chat with the doctor and make the final arrangements and suddenly I felt a LOT of pressure.  (which was weird since this baby was high and WOULD NOT come down!)  I guess he changed his mind, because exactly 10 minutes after they told me I was getting a C-section, he was BORN!  (none of this 3 hours of pushing stuff…)

 

Baby Bear & Handsome

Last Days in the Hospital.... Left: Little Guy, Right: Baby Bear

Baby Bear had to spend nearly 2 weeks in their level 2 nursery.  I was hoping we could go home right away, but it was clear he was going to act like a preemie and not like a newborn. :(  He had one real scary bradycardia where his heart rate dropped and he stopped breathing for a few seconds, but mostly they were small bradys and the biggest problem was feeding him.  Some of the nurses refused to let me nurse him at all and he was under a jaundice light for a few days, too.  They were about to put in a feeding tube, but allowed us to try and he ate well and it (mostly) stayed down!!! Things got better, he gained lots of weight and stopped having as many desats.  We would’ve preferred to take him home on a heart monitor and oxygen (like we did with Little Guy), but that hospital doesn’t send patients home that way.

We were really blessed, because the hospital let us stay in the room where I birthed (right down the hall from the nursery).  Thankfully, it wasn’t needed and I could be there to pump and drop off milk/nurse and hold my little one (when we were allowed).  It was REALLY hard, though. One of the hardest parts was being away from Little Guy for so long, as he could not stay with us (the hospital’s rule), but we praised God we had family 20 minutes away and he got to have lots of fun with his Grandma, Grandpa, Aunts & Uncle.

 

He got to visit... and pretend to be a baby

When we finally brought Baby Bear home, we were all so delighted and relieved to be together as a family!!  Little Guy was head over heels for Baby Bear.  He just wanted to hold him & smooch him all the day long.  Baby Bear lived in snuggly, fleece “bear suits” for the first 5 months of his life.  He really wanted to be bundled, but despised his legs and arms being wrapped tight, so the bear suits were the solution.  We had them in a variety of colors and patterns.  He was the adorablest baby you ever saw! (ok, the bear suits helped)

Since he was always dressed as a bear, we called him Baby Bear.

Now Baby Bear is BIG!  (I guess he copied his brother)  He walks and talks and throws fits.  He climbs everything and is very, very charming.  He loves to make people laugh and does lots of silly things to entertain others.  (like wrinkle his nose, and grin, and make fish lips, and all kinds of silly noises)  At 10 months we saw a big change in his reflux, and he finally slept through the night for the first time!  (I was not prepared for that, since Little Guy was fully sleep trained at 5 months)  He is a tiny bit chubby, which makes him look even more like a bear cub & we love him to pieces!

Guy & Bear are BEST FRIENDS!  You never saw such pals.  They play really well together.  And yes, there’s lots of wrastlin’ involved.  It was a hard couple of years having them so close with the complicated pregnancies/deliveries/NICU stays… but I wouldn’t change a thing.  God has really blessed us with these two and we are so thankful and love them so much!  They are loud, rowdy, and extremely energetic, but they are also very sweet and love us and one another dearly! 

and their wagon... they love that, too.

nina the mom

The beginning

Steeped in Joy.

Do you like the name? You probable guessed I do, since I get to be in charge of naming this little ol’ blog. Once upon a time I was reading this book called My Utmost for His Highest. (Oswald Chambers) It’s written as a devotional book, each date of the year has its own page.

On one particular day, he wrote about something.

I know, terribly descriptive. 
You see, dear reader, I can’t remember the date or the subject. However, the important part (at least I hope) was a phrase he used, which really stuck with me. He used the phrase, “steeped in joy.” And I rather liked it.

Many days have passed since I read Oswald’s little book of big-ish words, but the phrase has remained and caused me to contemplate joy and its relevance in my life.

If you’re a hot tea drinker, you’re probably pretty familiar with the word “steeped.”
Google dictionary defines it this way:

Steep: verb Past tense: steeped

1. soak (food or tea) in water or other liquid so as to extract its flavor or to soften it.

"the chilies are steeped in olive oil"

2. surround or fill with a quality or influence.

“a city steeped in history”

Webster includes:

to saturate with or subject thoroughly to (some strong or pervading influence) 

<practices steeped in tradition>

So, Joy would be the pervading influence, and I’d be the subject.

The past few years of my life have been intense. I see how God has orchestrated all of it, in part, to further my sanctification, in part to prepare me for future ministry. I’ve learned so much, I can hardly believe it, yet I know that I am far from the finished project that God has in mind. One important lesson that I’ve learned is that joy is not an emotion.

See, I went to public school all my life, and I think somewhere around 3^rd grade we learned about emotions. There was a chart of kids with differing expressions, representing different feelings. (Happy, sad, mad, you get the idea) Somehow I believed happy and joyful to be emotions, the kind that arise on “Christmas” morning to a mountain of presents under the tree. 
I’ve since learned otherwise.

Like most things that truly matter in life, joy doesn’t “just happen” to you. 
Sure there can be a cause & effect type situation.

Humans often feel happy when they get what they want.

But, I’m talking about something so much deeper than that.

See the joy that the Bible teaches about is not a feeling or emotion.

Similar to love, it is a choice.

It’s an attitude perpetuated by thankfulness.

And boy am I thankful that God does not give in to our every whim, but instead knows what is best for us in every moment of our lives... to more greatly glorify Him.

My story begins fall of 2010. I was working as a missionary in a small tiny town in central Idaho. One day I met Handsome, a local and my would-be husband. Then the whirlwind began! We met, started dating one month later, got engaged the month after that, married the month after that, pregnant the month after that!

I went from being a full-time, single, missionary to a pregnant wife in just 2 months. I was beyond excited for the new season of my life- the one I had been waiting for! I was experiencing my dreams come true. However, I was not prepared for the agonizing pain and nausea that accompanied my pregnancy. I had no friends or family to turn to in that isolated, snowed-in town. I had my new groom, but other than him, it was me and a pile of wedding presents yet to be put away.

Christmas was over and the cold and loneliness set in. I waited, with all the patience I could muster, for the nausea and vomiting {and snow} to stop. 13 weeks went by, then 14, 15, 18, 20, 22, 23. And finally that let up, but the severe pain increased and contractions began at 24 weeks. My doctor crossed his fingers that I could make it to 30 weeks. But God, knowing all, allowed our son to be born nearly 9 days late. (just 5 minutes shy) And in less than a second all of the thoughts about my pain and hardship vanished and the tremendous blessing before me brought me to tears.

This dear blessing, born gray and limp, was swept away before I could hold him or see his face. The Life Flight team was called, many tests were done, and lots of weary-eyed people waved goodbye as Little Guy was whisked off in an acrylic box to Boise's Children's Hospital about 3 hours away. It sounds so scary, and it was, but God's peace that surpasses our understanding embraced me and after 24 hours of labor, I fell fast asleep. Because of my strong conviction to avoid any/all drugs, I refused an epidural and narrowly escaped a c-section! Praise Him who gave me that conviction and knew how desperately I would want to leave the hospital where I birthed and head to the hospital where my newborn was.

I will say that I prepared as much as I could have for that labor and it did not go how I planned! But God's plan cannot be thwarted. He allowed the pain, the complications, the terror of what might happen next. He allowed Little Guy to endure a stroke, seizures, many tests, and monitors in part for my sanctification and future ministry. After a week, which felt more like an eternity, we were released and carried our fragile bodies back through the mountains, with our little one on oxygen and a heart monitor and a prescription regiment that forced me to be aware of the hours that passed in the gray days to come.

A few short days after we were home, I found myself alone with my little one and a thousand cords. The alarms were often sounding in my head and knocking me wide awake throughout the night. I experienced anxiety.  It was fierce and I didn't know what to do. God had a plan and a purpose for those feelings- to draw my husband and I close to Him and closer to each other. We depended on Him and praised Him with the never-ending good news we received from countless visits to all of our specialists.

I may not have known how to battle through the anxious days, the physical hardships that I faced and still face today. But, my trust has been in the Lord and the fact that, “He works all things together for the good of those who love Him.” I have clung to His Word and His plan for our lives. I did not understand that He was preparing me.

Now Guy ("Little" is no longer appropriate!) is more than 2.5 years old. He is enormous! Strong!! And, if I do say so, brilliant... and did I mention handsome {just like his Dad}? He has no residual effects of his stroke!!! He talks well and we converse all day long! He knows (most) letters, numbers, shapes and that you have to sneak up on hermit crabs to catch them. He adores his little brother {Bear} who is just 15 months younger than him. He is the sweetest kid, biggest hugger and a very special blessing that God has placed in my life. I cannot help but be humbled and praise His name.

I used to be a messenger of the Gospel to strangers, but God has allowed me a much more meaningful job: two eternal souls to minister to every, single day in my home. He has blessed me with hardships so that I may be made more like the Son and minister to those hurting in similar situations, but more importantly to these two children.

I'm not a finished project, my kids are not finished projects. Many days thus far have been difficult. Many days have ended in tears, stress, and feelings of defeat. In His mercy, God is shaping me, teaching me to take my thoughts captive, adjust my focus, and count hardships all joy.

nina the mom